Well, I haven't blogged lately because I am currently busy doing other things like tutorials...I am just looking forward to the day that I could take back all the words I had said, all the actions I did and all the pain I endured...

I just thought that this year had been cruel to me...I just felt I lost all the rights to live the life I am supposed to be living last year...

Just wishing all this would just end...

...and btw, thanks to my little sister Pinku-chan for still not forgetting that day...<3

Not long ago, a friend of mine
Came in to confess and confide
All the thoughts he had in his mind
All the ideas he could never hide.

A boy with a sadistic glee
He was unshackled, but was never free
In others, he was aloof
Never wanted to be part of a group.

To them, he was numb
They didn't knew, he was just playing dumb
And some thought he was a retard
Too bad for them, he caught them off-guard.

He wore a certain kind of mask
A mask carved from bunch of lies
And face resembled a broken glass
His dreams were shattered more than twice.

Always had the time to study
But not the place and the money
As days and nights went faster
His golden mind began to lose its luster.

In his own way, he was corrupted
In others' eyes, he was demented
On his way, he lost invulnerability
As replacement, he swallowed negativity.

His gifts became his curse
Hopelessness quenched his thirst
Dreamt about being inside a hearse
The best ideas came from the worst!

As the story continued to unfold
Regarding the truth and lies untold
He paused for a moment of silence
Thus, the start of changing ambience.

Gale wind struck his face
Memoirs of hate began to erase
Mask of deceit began to shatter
On contrary, he was flattered.

It took a furnace to forge his mask
Yet it took one simple gust
Alas, my friend would be free
I could finally walk away from the reflection of me.

~hebikage~
09/16/09

***

Finally wrote something for ages now XD

:(

Yan sana gusto kong sabihin sa crush ko ngayon. Pero hindi ko ito magagawa. Tulad ng dati, kailangan kong ikimkim sa kaibuturan ng aking damdamin ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya upang hindi masira ang pagtitiwala niya sa akin...at para hindi niya ako kamuhian.

Madalas masaya ako kapag kasama siya, pero kailangan ko pa rin itago kung ano man ang gusto kong sabihin sa kanya. Nangangamba akong lumayo siya sa akin kapag nalaman niya totoo...tulad ng iba...

Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit kung sino pa ang taong may magandang hangarin ay siya pang hindi nabibigyan ng pagkakataon...:(

Hindi patas sa akin na nasasabi mo lahat tungkol sa kanya at kung gaano mo siya kamahal habang ako na nasa isang tabi lamang at nakikinig at handang tumulong sa iyo...hindi ko rin naman hangad na masuklian mo ang sakripisyong nagawa ko...

May pagtingin ako sa iyo, pero hindi ko maaring sabihin dahil alam ko namang hindi ako ang tipo mo. T_T

2 blogs in one post. Just read on...~~

Hanbun (One-half):

Last 03/30, I finally met one of my most trusted friends online. Her name is Jam-chan, and I always treat her as my half-sister (although she's not my kinsfolk). The meet-up at SM North was 3 years in the making and I had a great time chatting with her in real life. Well, I don't know if it's also the case for her :P

I hope though that she'll be present in the April Meet-up of Yui Lovers. ~~

Akashi no Hate (End of Proof):

As of today, April 1st, I am no longed employed as a Medical Reviewer. It's sad to say though but I have no regrets being "retrenched". My last day at work, I felt it was a long day though but I had a great time. Work, well I had appreciated my work but what drove me to hold on was my colleagues/officemates. Attachment to them was unique. And for the fact that I would lose it, it made my eyes teary. I was touched when Miss Farrah (treated me like her child) gave me Fully Loaded. Well, not the food per ce, but the post-it paper on top of it, with some send-off messages from ROR department. Since that hour, I felt mixed emotions of grief and upset. As of 4:00, I finished my review but I never passed it yet because I typed something similar to this  and post it in the network. As I left the office room for the last time, all happy moments and memories flashed back. Maybe someday, I'll get over this. In the meanwhile, I just try to move on.

1st Quarter of 2009's over. Worse things to come. >.<

It's odd what the Internet could do...And here, I had regained some things I never had and learned real-life lessons out of an dusty 15" monitor...

I'd like to dedicate this post though to those people that made hebikage...

1) Elix >>
Real Name: Maela
Specs: She's one of those first forumers I met in FlyFF PH and I was amazed on her determination. I became open to her that I started to feel her as being my bestfriend. We did became bestfriends at one point but some things just end. She helped me in ways she would think she never really helped me at all.

2) Bluberi>>
Real Name: April
Specs: She's one of my little sisters in FlyFF Forums. She's maybe in High School, but her cheerfulness always made my gloomy nights. Even thoguh we've only met a couple of times IRL, every thing we had talked about (from anime to assignments to some other issues) was worth the talk.

3) Feiren>>
Real Name: Fiann
Specs: Second of my 4 little sisters in FlyFF. She always had those "happy-go-lucky" attitude and she was always smiling online. She rarely weeps though, althoguh I had been there on one episode. She also had the positive attitude which later, I had grasped and turned into one. Now she's been busy with her college life but I still owe her to play Patapon on my PSP. ~~

4) Vanna>>
Real Name: Silvana
Specs: Third of my little sisters in FlyFF. i met her first online before I met her in real life...and in UPD. We shared the same school and it's a nice thing that although we had different preferences with some things, she's been there when you need her. I've been talking with her on one of those nights and we had fun sharing stories.

5) Haru>>
Real Name:Denise
Specs: Fourth of my little sisters in FlyFF. She was one of those girls that I am talking with when Elix is not around. She offered me advices and had helped me too in countless situations.

6) Jam-chan>>
Real Name:*classified info*
Specs: Of all the friends I met online, she was the one that stayed the longest. Met her first at YUI Forums and although we've never met before IRL (which I hope someday, though before I die *knock on wood*), we had a great time sharing ups and downs too about our lives. And I currently call her as my half-sister.

7) Trish-chan>>
Real Name: Too obvious to know
Specs: I met this girl when I was still attending Jap classes in UPD. We just had talked online when she moved to Japan. She liked doing fanfics, anime and visual kei bands but it's okay. We also talked some other stuff too. In reality, I miss talking with her though. It's been ages since I heard from her.

8) Pinku-chan>>
Real Name:*classified info*
Specs: Finally, my little sister in YUI Forums. We've been talking online for about 2 years now (with Jam-chan, I think it's 3 years) and I am so glad with her. She's one of those sweet little sisters that you wish you ever had...and she always put up people that were down.

Note that the abovementioned were just the ones affected me both online to in real life...I treasured them and without them, I wouldn't be what I am for today. This is just something I made to at least, let you know how important you were to me...even though only cables of Internet binds us...
 

See? That's pink-chan while taking a picture. I decided to take one, too. ~~

You don't wanna see what she was taking on this pic though (unless my little sis would post it..)

On another note, Trish-chan had posted a blog entry then tagged everyone else...we'll, not exactly a blog entry but a chain survey of sort. And since I would like to kill time, I'll tagged myself anyway to do this. Plus, it would be nice to let others know me...so, here goes nothing!

25 RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME:

1) I was impatient when I was a kid. I am always tagged as "pikon" by my playmates then. I wonder how it all changed. Now my temper's as deep as the trench. ~~

2) I used to be a pessimist. It all started when I was dumped after courting a girl. Ever since, I started to look on things as "half-empty". Now that I had a girlfriend at last, well, I am not as pessimist as I was.

3) My current job consists of 9 hours of constantly typing and reading doctor's reports. It strains my eyes to constantly look at the monitor to type and type so I make sure that I could maximize my 15-minute breaks and lunch breaks.

4) I don't have or at least, believe in jinx with Friday the 13th. I usually believe that I have a jinx a day after Friday the 13th which I tagged "Saturday the 14th". Recently, it turned out tyhe other way around since I lost my bag on Friday the 13th. >.<

5) I believe with "the signs" that I see around me. It's not that I am paranoid or something but when I see an event that seemed unusual, I chose to interpret what it really means. Maybe, it could be a premonition or something but hey, I choose my fate. And so ignoring them last Friday led up losing my bag. Haha.

6) I like taking pictures of myself, but not myself all the time. It means, I like taking pics of myself with somebody, and I prefer it with a girl. So I wouldn't be tagged as camwhore because I am not a whore. Wahaha.

7) I love playing Jap songs especially if it's High and Mighty Color. I also like playing YUI, L'arc~en~Ciel' and Hitmoi Takahashi songs. And yes, I do listen to Ayumi Hamasaki, BoA and Koda Kumi songs too, although I am in for upbeat songs. In fact, J-songs were the reason why I built an account on Multiply.

8) I usually sleep at 12mn, even on weekdays when I had work the next day. And because of this, I would sleep in my office or while riding the jeepney.

9) I love all my little sisters online. Each and every one of them was special to me, and helped me in my growth. I don't need to mention their names thoguh but I want to tell them how important they were to me. ~~

10) I am founder of the clan, a resident group in SM Manila where we play DDR-like games. Everyone else would speculate on why I am the one handling such group. Maybe it's because I don't have the talent and skills as much as they had, but hey, nobody's perfect. I still had lots of things to do and to accomplish.

11) I don't write poems. But only then I write poems when I feel I wanted to. Poetry's not my job. In fact, I only had around, uhm, 3 poems that I written in my entire life. 2 of them, I posted them here. The last one, I kept hidden.

12) I am not a fan of drink coffee. I prefer drinking tea. But lately, I've been into coffee due to stress at work. I like the choco fudge flavor. ~~

13) I am fond of walking. It all started when I was in High School, where my house is approximately 1 km away from the school. In order to spend less, I have to walk from school to house every school days. It aggravated when I was in college, I had to walk A LOT in UP Diliman.

14) I had a scar on my left foot. It started when I was a little kid. And it had bad memories about it so I prefer not to disclose...

15) I fancy snakes. No, I won't eat them, it's just I find them fascinating per ce. Especially when hissing.

16) I had a sweet tooth. Yup. Chocolates, candies, gummies, lollipops, everything sweet. And yes, I do buy packs and bunches of those, and I am glad that I could share it with everyone else...even in the office.

17) I am a geek. Iy's harsh since I had to deal with such when I was in college. Nowadays, I don't bother if I would be tagged as one. There's a geek in all of us! Bwahaha.

18) I do smoke cigarettes. It started when I was dumped in college. I found out that she doesn't like guys smoking cigarettes and ended up being one. It's just that bad habits don't die young. And I am a bad habit. ~~

19) In giving out hunches with regards to love, I had never failed. For example, I see this friend of mine who is a guy and a girl which is also a friend of mine. I'll give out a hunch that someday, they'll be together on at least, be in relationship, and so far, I was not failing. It's not a talent thoguh because I couldn't make a hunch with regards to myself and *insert girl's name here*.

20) I'm not fond of drawing things. Anime stuff or whatever, I could not draw, it's not my talent perhaps. But I like drawing swords when I am bored. Only swords. ~~

21) When I was a kid, I used to play LEGO. Yup, it's my building blocks. And I build weird structures with it and sometimes, I had to change it once every 6 months. Now, I don't have the time to build something with LEGO (or maybe my imagination went out my window).

22) I like blood. Although I hate violence, I like to see blood spewing out of my body...and no, I don't suck them because I am not a vampire (althoguh I had this dream that a girl vampire bit me but instead of sucking up by mouth, she used a straw. WTF. Well, I suppose she wanted it to be "sterile"). And I know that blood is about 75% plasma, and the rest consists of red blood cells, white blood cells and platelets. And no, this is not Discovery Channel. ~~

23) I am not fond of watching TV or DVD marathons. I guess I had no time with it since I am better loafing around somewhere else, playing Magic Cards or be in an arcade and play all day. But I do watch Mythbusters. ~~

24) I am a proud member of YUI Lovers. Yes, a forums thats all about YUI. ~~

25) I prefer having a long hair rather than the hair I have today. Darn office. I would like to have those "bangs" and bishonen look back, too. ~~

And I am tagging anyone who wants to tag themselves to do this. ~~

Early afternoon, I dropped by once again to see my little sister in UPD. We had another short conversation.   And I'll go post here our pic.  ...................................................................................................................................................................................

Approximately 2-3 years ago, I was wandering the Yui Boards and loitering stuff there. Just kept on getting and retrieving some YUI stuff when I met this little girl. (Clue: Her screen name back then resembles the color pink and rhymes with color pink. ~~)

So there, we talked about random stuff since then and I felt comfortable chatting with her...even though she was elementary at that time. We talked about J-Pop and other random stuff, although chatting was not everyday regimen. We even had a petty fight back then which was uhm...oh, I forgot what we were fighting for at that time. She even bothered making a siggy for me on my 20th birthday, which was very nice of her since I am not accustomed or at very least, I am not anticipating a gift.  Then, after we had an argument, everything went fine between the two of us.

Many times I wished I could meet this girl eye-to-eye someday. And that someday was this day. Friday, she said she'll be at UPD for 4 Saturdays. I thoguht this was a great idea since I've been in UPD for my entire college life (which I had was different, more emo-ish story LOL) so regardless of my withered body, I went to UPD at high noo to take a glimpse of her. Or at very least meet her personally.

Around 12 noon, she with her classmates went out from workshop. We finally met although we had a very very brief conversation. She was kind of shy IRL but what you see is what she was. As token of gratitude for letting me meet her there, I gave her one of her favorite things (I am uncertain if she liekd it though) and I also got a share of little sister's love.

And we'll see each other again...next week. At that time, I'll be talking more and try to make s better impression And yes, little sister, this blog entry is about the time we met.


 

*blog title was from a Starcraft cheat...blog entry per ce doesn't had a connection with Starcraft or Cows...*

Whew. 2008 went away just like that. I don't have time though to rate everything happened  Gained a lot of friends (and weight, but shed it off later thanks to Pump It Up machines) and finally had lots of blessings in my life.

And now it's 2009...

yamikage is dead...

hebikage is still alive...

and inside this blog entry...

Random Thoguhts 102365:

I went to SM Manila today to meet my clanmates and then suddenly, I met Misa-chan and Momo-chan, 2 of the senior clan members of COIN and they were with thier other clanmates to sing videoke @ Worlds of Fun. And they were not just singing...they were singing Japanese songs. Laruku, Arashi, anime OSTs...even YUI songs. And so I sang Honey...although lyrics were written in Hiragana/Kanji with hiragana readings above it...too bad I couldn't read everything out.

12/14

As day turned into hours, minutes and seconds, I felt everything went slower as my natal day approaches.

12/15

12:00 am >> My clanmates swarmed me with tons of messages...greeting me a warm happy birthday via text.

2:00 am >> hebikage fell asleep.

5:30 am >> Woke up to do usual daily routine...before going to work.

7:00 am >> People in the office greeted me and wished me the best.

8:00 am >> Started finishing my part on the 1836 pages.

11:00 am >> Took my lunch.

12:00 nn >> Work resumed.

5:00 pm >> Work ended. And so was the thick report.

7:00 pm >> Arrived at SM to commence General Assembly.

8:00 pm >> Ate dinner at Mang Pepes`

9:50 pm >> GA finally commenced.

11:00 pm >> GA ended.

11:59 pm. >> Almost time to go home...And surprisingly...I felt some sudden surge...inside me...it's when I assessed her love. 

As of today, consider me taken. ~~

Because I love my acetylcolene. ~~

.....

Yup. Forget about calling each other tart, cupcake, sweety, bhe, or anything else used before. So I could not think of any pairing yet.

I thought about acetylcolene and dopamine be somewhat unique. 

And so, a new day all of a sudden.began...and I am not alone walking with regrets and guilts in the past..

I <3 my acetylcolene.

Before going any further...if you...

a) Felt that this is another rant/emo post that would be a significant waste of time to read on...

b) You're a fangirl that hated me or don't even give a damn on me...

c) You'll comment on this post restating contraindications...

d) You're experiencing hypertension symptoms everytime you read my blog entries...

e) You won't contribute anything here that would promote world peace or end world poverty.


Please, for your *insert your deity's name here* sake, hit the back button of your browser. Better yet, hit the back part of the nearest person inside 3.5 meter radius.

You'll just be damn disappointed.

You'll condemn me.

You'll point out how wrong I am. I know that already.

Hit the damn back button!





































































As I had said earlier in my previous posts.

This is me.

I had hatred in my entire system.

I don't had bipolar disorder yet but if you think that way, I don't mind and i don't care.

I rant a lot.

And I know you people hated me for ranting over some petty stuff.

Starting December 16, 2008 onwards, whenever I'll rant, I'll type it in a language only few people could understand.

Although putting blog entries in Japanese would be perfect, someone could translate that...

...so strike that.

I'll rant in a language you guys won't understand.  Except for the people that I knew would REALLY REALLY DAMN REALLY understands me.

So for the last time, I'll rant in layman's terms...







I HATE THIS LIFE!




Now, you may resume tagging me with derogatory comments and adjectives...

Why eat something when you knew you'll be hungry later...

Why would you brush your teeth when you'll eat food later...

Why fall in love when you know relationship would not last forever...

Why live this life when later you'll be dead and gone?

First thing first, I am not a fanboy but...


http://www.kanonweb.jp/album_popup02/album02.jpg

And to those fangirls that I despised the most (pink-chan's an exception, I <3 Pinku ~~)




Hahaha...*hysterical laugh of death*

And yes, I am still evil, thank you. ~~

Sometimes I feel like celebrating birthdays we're just something I must done for a long time ago...

The gift of life...is something I regret...

The gift of being loved...is something I longed for decades...

The gift of hatred...is a crucifix I had to bear for the rest of my life...

This is me.

Another year to be added to my chronological age...

Sigh, nobody cares about age anyways, as long as you had the money, the lean body and whatnots, age was not a problem...

Frozen Heart...

Frozen Time...

Frozen Thoughts...

If I'll live another life, I'll avenge for what had this soul became...

I courted --> I dumped.

Reasons:

"All I could offer is friendship."

"I see you as my little brother."

"My parents we're strict [they wanted me to be with someone with more money]."

"I could not assess my feelings for you."

"Who are you, anyway?"

"I am seeing someone else [much cuter and much visual kei look-alike.]"

"I like the way you give out confectioneries...so sweet...[I wish you were just a confectionery...]"

"I hate geeks."

"I don't like you at all."

"...and I don't like you because I just don't like you."

"I rather jump onto a building rather than being with you."

"I hate negative-thinkers...[I hate thinkers per ce...]"

"You're still virgin. Hahaha *insert bitchy laugh here*"

"It's okay. We're still friends [but I truly irate at your presence...]"

"You're my boss. You're the founder of this clan."

"It's impossible."

"You looked like my ex-boyfriend. I am so sorry..."

"Do you know Fermat's Last Theorem took 450 years to prove fully? [So prove your love for 450 years, too.]"

"I am not the one you're looking for..."

"Just go away!"

I almost had those phrases running to and fro my head...

Most of them were true...

I could have a healthy relationship...

But there's only one thing hindering...

Reasons. Reasons why I should give this jerk a chance or how morbid I have to dump him. Hmm...*puts out Triple Beam Balance, stolen from a Science Laboratory.*

"If I would use my heart, I could love you. If I'll use my mind, it's pointless for us to be with each other."

Reasons. Thoughts that came out of one's mind. I did not use my mind to love those girls. I had use my hypothalamus. Seriously.

Advanced happy birthday to me.

Overload. Hatred. Death.

I just want to know how much I wanted to do this kind of blog entries...but I could not find the ample time (and energy) to do so. I'll try to elaborate things I had been these past month, enumerate them and put them in bulleted form...

...oh wait, this is not MS Word LOL ~~

1) I just wanna say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my little sister Reila. Commonly known as pink-chan ~~ (although I'll agree Reila's a nice name). Agewise, turned 15...apologies though for I could not make a simple siggy or sort for your 12th birthday...argh, it's 15th! ~~

Actually, her recent blog entry what drove me to write something too, which is good thing.

2) Been 3 months working and so far, so good. Just had some feeling of numbness in fingers occasionally upon typing. That's why I am wearing wrist support on and off. I felt relieved although it's uncomfortable when it's your hand for long periods of time. And yes, I am using one as of this moment I am typing. I also tried to wear one while playing Time Crisis 4 on right hand...which was added weight but felt good. Haha, finished it for nth time ~~

What else, also used this while playing dance machines in arcades. It's great but it doesn't smell nice over time. Definitely, I need one for my ankle too. ~~

3) I've been onto my clan these past nights, so I am unable to touch this dusty pc of mine *blows dust*

Been feeling great with my new clanmates. They were the best I handled so far.

4) And it's almost December...so I wonder what I'll do on my time...~~

Gonna upload some more pics for our clan's FS...

Current Music-Lovely - Kim Jong Kook, Pump It Up NX OST
Current Mood-Lonely
Status Message: Still need of a girlfriend >.<

It's a long time since I became dormant blogging...I can't still find inspiration to blog a lengthy one yet though...although I had a comment about Halloween here...

It's the time where everybody could cosplay without being stupid ~~

Back from the dead I was...

Just had a job, been here for a month as Med Reviewer. It was fun. Reading hieroglyphics...err, I mean Doctor's handwritten reports. ~~

Will update soon. ~~

*her retort at my poem, in spirit of fairness...enjoy!*

This was about a boy that I still know
And how to him "Adieu" for me was "Hello"
And all the bitter words he spilt outside
And thought that he can't express and hide

It was cold midnight, like most Octobers
Surprisingly, he still remembers
I talked to him so as to confide
About my thoughts of suicide

He said he thinks at that very instance
My name, Miles, depicted distance.
Then distance it is but I wanted to die
There, we will bid each other goodbye.

But that didn’t happen even after days later
And talking over YM, things got better.
I was surprised, for him, it’s bliss
Must there be something I have come to miss?

And time passed by, we knew each other
Our conversations that seemed forever
Were about my ex who found another
And left me as a hopeless lover

I waited for November to arrive
For it was the time for LU! Live
We both agreed that there, we'll meet
That time, my heart refused to beat.

And well, since then, we talked more often
Our conversations won’t seem to end
My heart won't beat. Only god knows when.
"I love you…" the dreaded words of my best friend…

While everything seemed sort of "better"
It was a day I must remember
That day I claimed him my best friend
But my mistake… It had to end.

The more he demanded to know my life
The more I seemed to live in strife.
The more obvious it gets in the forums of Flyff
The more the bitter truth cuts like a knife.

He wasn't like he was before,
The brother-friend who loved me more…
More than how a friend should love a friend
There's a promise to break for a lie to end.

He never thought how much of a burden
Hearing rants about life but I had to listen
The same old story, again and again
And tales of broken hearts from way back when

True friends stay through thick or thin
But god! His happiness was hard to win!
How heavy my heart have always been
After the months of talking to him

It was his fault for loving me
We make our choices 'cause we are free
But I went wrong when I didn't see
How it will go when he fell for me.

It's been nine months of meeting pressure
He said his efforts, I failed to treasure
I've given up long before he conceded
Waited till his feelings turn to hatred

He demanded for a useless closure
For afterwards his shltty words, I would not endure
I knew all along the disease was the cure
So I wanted him to hate me. That's one thing for sure…

I lost a friend and I gained enemies.
I lost an admirer and I gained peace…
But not until his trashtalking and shlt
He claims to be my best friend. Well, GODDAMIT!

Put down that sword (What are you? Mercenary?)
And get that gun but on contrary,
Put it against your head I won't be sorry.
You think you bring me down by telling that story?

Then, here's to you my so called 'friend'
I'm happier to know this is how it will end
And you suppose I ran out of luck?
Well, tell you what? I don't keep friends who suck!



Your friend turned fiend,
Elix -

This was about a girl he once knew
And how “Hello” turned to “Adieu”
And all the bitterness left inside
That he cannot express and cannot hide

It was a midnight in October
Around 11:49 pm, he still remembers
He met her when she had confide
About her thoughts of committing suicide

He's the first to reply at that instance
Her name depicted a measure of distance
He told her that if she wants to die
"I’ll accompany her, and so do I"

Then came a few days later
They were now chatting via Yahoo Messenger
All of a sudden, it was bliss
It’s a one way train he cannot miss

It’s the time they got to know each other
The type of conversations, they didn’t bother
Like how her ex-boyfriend found another
And how he became a hopeless lover

Then November has arrived
It is time for Level Up! Live
They agreed that there they would meet
And two notes would produce one beat

Since then, they chatted more often
A path of friendship leading astray
He said “I love her, but I’ll not court her then”
She said “It’s fine and we’re still okay”

And suddenly things got better
It’s February 12, a day to remember
She said that he was her bestfriend
It’s been ages since someone tagged him that back then

Since then, he had changed for the better
If there’s a person that really knew him, it was her
But some things aren’t meant forever
And June was a month to dismember

She said both of them had changed
And he must not do anything about it
He must not control things, even when deranged
And flowery words turned into bullshit

He was like her ex-boyfriend, she said
It’s because he was too sentimental, she added
And negative thoughts polluted his head
And then he wished he was dead

Weeks later, her boyfriend talked to him
“She’s annoyed to you”, he silently screamed
“Ever since you had feelings for her”, he added
Then he must step out of their way, he had decided

And he admitted his fault for loving her
And his best not to lose their friendship too
Because after all, he was her “bestfriend”
Nevertheless, it’s times up for play-pretend

It’s been 9 months of meeting pleasure
Efforts he made, she cannot treasure
So in this fight, he had conceded
All feelings for her turned into hatred

It all boiled down to a closure
All those shitty things, he could no longer endure
So they bid each other goodbye
He closed his fists and started to cry

It’s like he had lost his will to live
Everlasting pain that cannot be relieved
Even by sticks of nicotine and tar
What happened would be forever his scar

And he’ll walk that path alone
From heart of gold to a heart of stone
He wished for water yet he got salt
Now he became that, and it’s her fault!

He laid down the sword to pick up the gun
Chivalry and martyrdom were long dead and gone
And someday, somehow she will say
That he’ll be on her side to stay
But on that day, she had ran out of luck
Because he had found another; and to her, he don’t give a fuck.

~hebikage~ 6.20.08

Credits to pureblock for doing this...on the spot...in the chatroom.

Betrayal of Trust

A betrayal
A lie
A knife in your back
he words seemed so trustful
Seemed so kind
Seemed so friendly
But how about when they become lies?
Or ruin lives?
Or cause pain?
Do they bluff?
Do they scheme?
Do they steal?
A friend no longer, you start to move on
As all things seem to do, time to start over again

4bidden love

When I look at you,
I can’t help but remember
the first time I saw you.
When you looked at me
I felt a tingle overtake my body
I felt a warming to your boyish grin,
walking away from you,
wishing that I had said more
As time past by,
I got to know you better.
I knew that there would be magic between us.
When I close my eyes I see your face,
and calmness takes over my body
What I feel inside scares me to death.
My heart has never stirred like this before.
So many times I wanted to ask you
if you have ever been adored,
given a woman’s heart and soul,
and unconditional love.
But I didn’t.
My feelings for you are sacred.
It’s your mind and compassion
that has captivated my heart,
not your physical being.
I want to be the one that gives you true happiness.
I want to spin your world,
showing you that life is so precious,
worth living every moment of it in the present.
I truly believe that we have to live for today,
because tomorrow may never come.

HEBIKAGE

the snake
slithers around
sneaky
not a sound
creeps upon
his prey
attacks then
runs away
The plains scream out in fear, it slides onto my back and forces out my red tears
into my thought i can now see how foolishly i used to be
I remember the snake on my back and how i remember i should have fought back
The trees dance in silence the fire now devoures the plains, the shadow told me to forget my name
I threw the snake off my back with no sound forcefully it lay dead by the ground
Now i can feel the shadow beneath my feet.

*Rant as much as you want* ~~